Strengthen Our Sisters • Myths and Facts on Battered Women

FACT- There are many reasons why women stay in battering situations: Fear of more severe beatings or death, or retaliation on the children by the batterer; Lack of means of support, including economic, housing and emotional. (Even if shelter, money, and other kinds of help are available, the battered woman is usually so isolated that she does not know about these resources.); Religious, moral and family pressures to make the relationship work; Feelings of love or sorrow for her partner; Unwillingness to deprive the children of their father; Fear of societal intolerance toward the single parent or divorced woman.

MYTH- If a woman were a better wife or loved the man more he would not beat her.

FACT- This puts responsibility in the wrong place: The woman is the victim of battering, not the cause of it. There is little that she can do to stop it. Women have been beaten for "infractions" such as not boiling an egg long enough, going to work, or leaving a wrinkle in the man's shirt collar. A woman may be beaten for being too submissive or for being too strong. These causes essentially amount to no reason at all. Some women are awakened from sleep by a beating. The problem lies with the man who vents his own insecurities and hostilities on the woman.

MYTH- It is the man's right and duty to head the family, so he can do whatever is necessary to keep the woman in line.

FACT- There is no essential difference between men and women that indicates one sex should have more rights, responsibilities and power than the other. Every person in a family needs to have autonomy and equal share in family matters. Beatings are never justified.

MYTH- Family violence occurs primarily in the ghetto and among lower class and working class families.

FACT- Studies show that women of all ethnic groups, lifestyles, economic status, and educational levels are beaten with equal frequency. A woman who is battered may be unmarried, newly married, or married for many years. She may be of any age. She may or may not have children. It is common for women to be beaten while pregnant. She does not demonstrate personality characteristics different from those of other women, and may not have signs of battering which are visible. Many women are beaten about the head and beneath the neckline where hair and clothing will cover bruises. Many batterers know how to hurt a woman without leaving marks. A man who batters is likewise indistinguishable from other men. The family may be apparently well-adjusted. A man who batters his partner may also batter his children. At times the woman may be physically violent with, or emotionally dependent on, her children.

STATEMENT- "Oh, that's awful! I would never let a man beat me - I wouldn't be around the second time he tried."

FACT- This implies that the woman who is battered is inferior because she somehow lets the man beat her. Most people can remember ways in which they have "let" themselves be victimized: unfairly treated in school or on the job, put down by friends or family, hassled on the streets, physically attacked by someone. It is important to empathize with the battered woman and to recognize that most women who live through battering have little feeling of self-worth.

FACT- It is helpful to a woman to realize why she stays in the battering situation, but this question will make her feel that something is wrong with her for staying. To help her examine her feelings and motivations, ask instead, "What are the things which make you stay with him, and what are the things which would make you leave him?" Help her see that there are alternatives.

STATEMENT- "She must be getting something out of being beaten, otherwise she wouldn't allow it."

FACT- A battered woman has little opportunity to "allow" herself to be beaten. She does not have that much power. Ask what she wants for herself as a person, with or without the relationship. Help her to compare what she is getting from the relationship, and to find ways of attaining her goals.

IMPORTANT SAFETY ALERT!

Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are
afraid your internet and/or computer usage might be monitored, please use a
computer at your local library or other location. Or call our local hotline at 1-800-767-9470,
and/or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.


World Peace Begins at Home.

	<< Previous Article Return to Articles page Next Article>> Myths and Facts on Battered Women MYTH- A woman who is beaten must like it; otherwise she'd leave. FACT- There are many reasons why women stay in battering situations: Fear of more severe beatings or death, or retaliation on the children by the batterer; Lack of means of support, including economic, housing and emotional. (Even if shelter, money, and other kinds of help are available, the battered woman is usually so isolated that she does not know about these resources.); Religious, moral and family pressures to make the relationship work; Feelings of love or sorrow for her partner; Unwillingness to deprive the children of their father; Fear of societal intolerance toward the single parent or divorced woman. MYTH- If a woman were a better wife or loved the man more he would not beat her. FACT- This puts responsibility in the wrong place: The woman is the victim of battering, not the cause of it. There is little that she can do to stop it. Women have been beaten for "infractions" such as not boiling an egg long enough, going to work, or leaving a wrinkle in the man's shirt collar. A woman may be beaten for being too submissive or for being too strong. These causes essentially amount to no reason at all. Some women are awakened from sleep by a beating. The problem lies with the man who vents his own insecurities and hostilities on the woman. MYTH- It is the man's right and duty to head the family, so he can do whatever is necessary to keep the woman in line. FACT- There is no essential difference between men and women that indicates one sex should have more rights, responsibilities and power than the other. Every person in a family needs to have autonomy and equal share in family matters. Beatings are never justified. MYTH- Family violence occurs primarily in the ghetto and among lower class and working class families. FACT- Studies show that women of all ethnic groups, lifestyles, economic status, and educational levels are beaten with equal frequency. A woman who is battered may be unmarried, newly married, or married for many years. She may be of any age. She may or may not have children. It is common for women to be beaten while pregnant. She does not demonstrate personality characteristics different from those of other women, and may not have signs of battering which are visible. Many women are beaten about the head and beneath the neckline where hair and clothing will cover bruises. Many batterers know how to hurt a woman without leaving marks. A man who batters is likewise indistinguishable from other men. The family may be apparently well-adjusted. A man who batters his partner may also batter his children. At times the woman may be physically violent with, or emotionally dependent on, her children. STATEMENT- "Oh, that's awful! I would never let a man beat me - I wouldn't be around the second time he tried." FACT- This implies that the woman who is battered is inferior because she somehow lets the man beat her. Most people can remember ways in which they have "let" themselves be victimized: unfairly treated in school or on the job, put down by friends or family, hassled on the streets, physically attacked by someone. It is important to empathize with the battered woman and to recognize that most women who live through battering have little feeling of self-worth. QUESTION- "Why doesn't she leave him?" FACT- It is helpful to a woman to realize why she stays in the battering situation, but this question will make her feel that something is wrong with her for staying. To help her examine her feelings and motivations, ask instead, "What are the things which make you stay with him, and what are the things which would make you leave him?" Help her see that there are alternatives. STATEMENT- "She must be getting something out of being beaten, otherwise she wouldn't allow it." FACT- A battered woman has little opportunity to "allow" herself to be beaten. She does not have that much power. Ask what she wants for herself as a person, with or without the relationship. Help her to compare what she is getting from the relationship, and to find ways of attaining her goals. Reprinted from the Women's Resource and Survival Center, Keyport, NJ 07735 << Previous Article Return to Articles page Next Article>> IMPORTANT SAFETY ALERT! Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid your internet and/or computer usage might be monitored, please use a computer at your local library or other location. Or call our local hotline at 1-800-767-9470, and/or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
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